following the crumbs
or the whispers, as it were...
And see how all the things are connected. I am writing this not long after my first Wisconsin Economic Summit over two days last week.
Let me preface that lately I have been following these white rabbits [hello, Neo…] between whispers ::buy big canvases:: without question. ::buys big canvases:: Casually starts publishing company ::knows innately that this is the move:: - then promptly dives head first into artistic endeavors. Sees the registration for the Wisconsin Economic Summit. ::you should go:: its in Appleton. Lodging is handled, and the registration is inexpensive.
::going::
arrives.
::OVERWHELMED::
Took some big deep breaths, knowing full well I threw myself blindly into this, and after some intense mirror conversations, that overwhelm ended with me ultimately knowing I will be just fine.
I know literally NO ONE here.
Not a fucking soul.
Mirror work. Nervous as heck.
The unfolding of events over the course of the first 10 hours of the conference kind of blew my mind.
I was quite nervous to talk with people in general and really only opened up when someone else started a conversation at my table. However, I had absolutely no qualms about walking up to speakers after their segment and talking to them, telling them random round about stories and marveling at the connections across the decades of my life. I walked straight up to Jeff Yabuki after his segment, my brain electrified. He used a quote in his talk that was woven into a conversation I’d had with his predecessor at Fiserv, George Dalton. The quote was- ‘the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result.’ - unknown.
Many moons ago, I was a young mom, looking to gain administrative experience and I took a job at a call center working second shift. There was a time I was walking around, later in the evening in between calls since it was quiet and I remember coming upon the light on in the corner office. It was George, and I was baffled. I’d had no idea that he was so dang old! I knocked on the door and asked him if I could ask him some questions. He was so gracious and agreed; I jumped at the opportunity to ask a ceo something - anything - so I asked him why he was still there. I didn’t mean it in an offensive way and told him so. He could very well have retired a LONG time ago. So why was he here? What he told me had a profound impact on my developing adult -entrepreneurial brain. So profound for me, I chose to have a permanent reminder inked onto my arms.
George told me that when you love what you do, you will never work a day in your life. He gave me a prison analogy, asking if I would willingly go to prison (aka, a job I hated) every day. I said no. He then asked me what I wanted to do with my life. I told him I’d always wanted to be an artist. And here I was working in an office. Before that, it was a restaurant and a gas station. Repeat, for the entirety of my job history prior to that. Insert the insanity definition here. He told me I would need to have the tenacity to see that dream through. It was going to be hard. He told me I didn’t have to rush for success either. We talked about timing. There is a lot to learn out there. He referenced an old tale- the race of the tortoise and the hare. He reminded me that slow and steady wins the race. It was in that conversation that I understood what he meant which just blew the entire lid off my brain at that point in my life.
You have to understand, I was a young mom, my kid was like 3 or 4 years old plus a stepson with his daddy, I was wildly depressed and really ignorant to my own needs. I understood that it was okay for me to take my time and go back to being an artist. I could be a mom, but I had to take small steps on the road of my dreams. All the time.
To actually have someone- a literal stranger, and the boss / owner of the company I used to work for- be supportive! Wow, what a concept! That is what blew me away. I think that is why George’s words were so powerful to me.
The literal week prior to the Wisconsin Economic Development Summit I recognized a super old spot of resistance in my life. I went at it, like a nurse cleaning out an old wound, asking myself ‘what the fuck is this all about?’ I had to sit here and ask myself ‘why is this okay, but not that?! It is literally the same concept with different media.’ I was so annoyed by it; I knew it was a limiting belief. Talking to a friend about it, he recognized immediately that it was a starving artist mentality- which I knew was not mine!! Remembering I was told twenty-something years ago by the person I was then dating that ‘artists were called starving artists for a reason’ and that I should pursue something that actually made money. I could finally get rid of this limiting belief, like almost immediately. I put myself into action, pivoting very fast - scared but doing it anyway- , following up on a recommendation from another fellow artist for a company to have my art reproduced from a high quality photo.
The connectedness tugged at me from almost two decades ago. I dont know the path being laid out before me, but I am seeing options and I love everything about them. I don’t know what the right avenue is, maybe its multi faceted, much like everything else in my life.
Tis the season, I suppose.
I had to tell Jeff this story! I know I glazed over a lot of the details with you Jeff, and there’s a whole lot of history of becoming that I haven’t written in here (which I clearly need to get off my chest and into a book) but it was incredible to be able to share the condensed version of that story with you!
Freshy fresh tattoos, circa a long ass time ago. It was exactly what I drew up.
Representation matters :shrugs:
I had to marvel at my own audacity, really.
I am back to the studio after the summit, working on a goal of mine- knocking out a pile of in-progress pieces getting those finished and simultaneously working on another goal- exhausting the paint supply that I currently have so I can buy myself some really nice paints and brushes. Doing these two things will provide a new influx of art! And subsequently, more writing.
I was one of I think a literal handful of actual businesses / business owners who showed up to the Wisconsin Economic Summit in Appleton this year. I met a really great assortment of people, and I am hoping we stay connected!
When I asked some of my other newfound connections if I could share a story about recent things I have learned about myself on my journey as related to the current projects I’m working on, people responded with glee. I got to talk about what i’d learned about myself (harboring someone else’s limiting beliefs), how I pivoted (immediately identified where they came from and actively took steps AWAY from that mentality) and totally share a project that I never saw coming (that skirt!!) People responded with enthusiasm and encouragement.
If nothing else, this whole thing was an experience. I went there as the orchestrator of Poa Alpina Press, which helped me flesh out some directions I would like to take the company as it grows, and! - I was also able to share a little bit about my art, nourishing my whole soul’s creation. I met so many cool people.
Slow and Steady, wins the race.
BRB, I’m gonna go cry happy tears now.
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